found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
