I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
