did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I AM VODKA MAN
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
