Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
