Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
