tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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