I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
