No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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