He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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