Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
