Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
