Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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