Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
