I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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