my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
