everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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