why didn't you poke me back
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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