Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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