you would pick up someone in the library
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
