This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
