I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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