I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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