who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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