He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
