She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
