I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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