We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
