i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
