Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
