i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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