Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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