The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
