I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
