i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
