Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
