Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize