the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
