Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
