everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
