Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
