Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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