I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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