I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I love you.
Bad choice
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
