I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
