my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
