I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
