may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
