I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
