All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i now understand why vodka
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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