Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
