Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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