Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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