omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
