You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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