my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
