Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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