check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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