What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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