i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize