Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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