we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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