you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
from now on my penis is your penis
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize