If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
