He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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