The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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